A spiritual mindset provides the highest perspective and motivation to mend and end conflicts in relationships.
Most of us go about our day-to-day lives not knowing or remembering a deeper truth that is revealed in this beautiful quote by philosopher, Pierre Tielhard de Chardin: We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.
This quote states that spirit is our true nature. It implies that our human lives are only one of many.
Spirituality teaches us that we are spiritual beings on a purposeful evolutionary journey gaining lessons and growing from life to life.
End conflicts in relationships with a spiritual mindset
Ours is not a journey to an outer destination. It is an inner journey in consciousness wherein we learn, evolve and outgrow our identification with our human personality and come to realise our true spiritual nature.
According to the spiritual teachings of Vedanta, this is the real purpose of human life.It’s very common to find that our closest relationships often bring us the greatest challenges and stress. These could be a spouse, a partner, close family members or people at work.
The tension may come from various reasons such as differences in personalities and unsaid expectations for people to be a certain way or do certain things.
As difficult as they can be, these relationships have the potential to bring us great growth.
When we expand our view and look at our purpose as spiritual beings here to learn and grow, then our relationships take on a deeper significance and meaning.
Here are 3 ways to end conflicts in relationships with a spiritual mindset.
1. “Will it matter…?”
No two people are entirely alike. Our upbringing and unique life experiences shape how we think and who we are. It’s only natural then, that when differences of opinion arise or expectations are not met, emotions are stirred up.
Getting angry, arguing, complaining and not accepting people for who they are don’t help the situation whatsoever.
If we resist, refuse and move away, the universe will bring different people and circumstances to present us with the same challenges until we learn and grow through them.
The wisdom of the universe is infallible, and evolution is the main goal.
When dealing with common, small annoyances and frustrations it’s good to step back and ask ourselves, “Will it matter…” and finish the sentence with, “in a day… a week… a month… or a year?”
Thinking about the situation in this way will help to diffuse the intensity of a heated argument and help us see the larger picture.
It would be like flying above and getting a bird’s eye view of the cars below instead of getting stuck on the ground in traffic.
Our relationships last only as long as the body lasts. When someone dies, he is no longer a brother, son, father or friend to anyone. The identity associated with that particular body no longer exists.
All our possessions are left behind including our bodies. Death is the great truth we cannot deny or escape.
Keeping in mind this stark reality, it may be worth remembering that everything is temporary.
What’s the point of getting angry or aggravated with someone? Why hold a grudge or feelings of resentment, jealousy or hate? Why allow things to disturb us, and make us react with anger, hatred or violence?
These emotions damage our relationships and backfire as physical and emotional stress.
What’s more, even though our physical life is limited, the lessons we learn (or don’t) remain embedded in our psyche when we leave this body and take on another one.
And so, the simple practice of asking, “Will it matter?” and viewing the situation from a larger time perspective can be a useful tool to end conflicts in relationships.
2. Relationships are a mirror
On our evolutionary journey, relationships are like a mirror that help us discover who we are.
People tell us how they feel about us directly through their words and behaviour, and indirectly through their vibes.
While we may think that their reactions show us who they are, they are in fact, mirroring back to us who we are.
If someone makes us angry or irritated, it’s because there is anger and irritation inside us. If we feel happy in someone’s company, it’s because she is showing us the joy within ourselves.
Whatever comes out of us is what we already have within us. The beauty or ugliness that we recognise in the outer world reflects our own minds.
And so, what others do and say doesn’t matter. What is important is how we respond to them.
We have the ability to end conflict and improve our relationships by improving our own thoughts, words and actions.
Once we change, the world around us, our circumstances and relationships will reflect our new mindset.
But we can’t do it halfheartedly. There must be a genuine desire to change, followed by a corresponding change in our thoughts, feelings and actions. It is only then that our relationships will improve.
When we nurture a spiritual mindset, see relationships as a mirror and prioritize our learning and evolution, we gain the strength and motivation to make the inner changes necessary.
3. Treat others as best friends
A powerful way to end conflicts in relationships is to relate to the people who bring us the most challenges as best friends.
The relationships with our best friends are special. We tend to overlook their differing opinions and choices and enjoy them for who they are. We don’t expect them to be a certain way or do certain things to please us.
There is a description of the qualities of a true friend from the ancient Indian epic poem, the Ramayana. Here are some reflections on that.
Give with genuine love and no ulterior motives. In every relationship there is reciprocal giving and receiving, but when the giving is done with expectations of some return favour, this derogates the relationship and creates underlying tensions.
The receiver senses the unsaid expectations and begins to doubt the sincerity of the other person.
A strong relationship is built on mutual trust and genuine caring. A true friend gives without expecting anything in return.
Love without expecting the other person to change for us. We tend to expect our closest family members to look and behave a certain way to please us. This is because we identify with them and feel that they reflect who we are to other people.
We often don’t accept them for who they are and try to change them to be who we want them to be.
But no one likes to be forced into doing anything or changing for someone else. And so, arguments and fights commonly occur in our close family circle.
Friendships are built on acceptance, caring and loving.
Look for the good in others and hide their faults. We often criticize our family members and complain to others about their faults? Complaining and criticizing others behind their back is a mean habit.
A true friend understands that no one is perfect (including himself) and so accepts and loves you for who you are. He encourages you and lifts your spirits by validating your good traits and downplaying your weaknesses.
Stop others from making unwise decisions. Covering up the weaknesses of others does not mean that a true friend stands by passively, watching you make what he thinks are mistakes or unwise choices.
If a friend sees you making choices that are detrimental to your higher good, she will firmly but kindly restrain you and lead you to the right path.
A relationship that is based on pleasing each other for the convenience and comfort of keeping it going is not a true one.
A true friend always has your back and wants to see you grow and succeed in life.
A spiritual mindset gives our relationships greater meaning
Relationships are a precious training ground wherein we learn to expand our heart, accept people for who they are, and grow by consciously choosing kindness, love, acceptance, and forgiveness.
Inner growth always happens slowly because we are re-moulding our old habits and thinking. The fact is, we are evolving ourselves.
Mistakes are natural. Just as we think we have learned something new and positive, the universe brings us a situation or person to challenge and test us.
When we expand our view and look at our purpose as spiritual beings here to learn and grow, then our relationships take on a deeper significance and meaning.
Then, it becomes easier to end conflicts in relationships
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